Are There Men With Mommy Issues? – Definitely!
In this post, we’re going to be unravelling everything about mommy issues including the meaning, who can fall victim of mommy issues, what it looks like in a guy, why men actually have mommy issues and 10 signs to look out for in men to decode if they have mommy issues.
What Does Mommy Issues Actually Mean
Mommy issues can actually mean a lot of things and it’s not limited to a single definition, but typically, it’s simply mean some kinds of issues that are caused by your relationship with your mother while growing up.
Mommy issues can also be described as nurturing that is lacking or in excess in someone’s life during the ‘growing up’ period or how one’s needs were met by their mother as a child that might in turn affect their relationship with women as an adult.
This doesn’t mean that they didn’t have a father in their lives, but it may be that the father figures in their lives were generally uninvolved in issues relating to their internal and external well being, which might be as a result of work, outings, or broken home, thereby making their mother the only care giver they had.
There are two main scenarios which can cause mommy issues in the life of a man: that either the man is extremely attached to his mother or extremely detached from his mother for some reason while growing up.
You're said to have mommy issue if you're either extremely attached to, or extremely detached from your mother as a young adult Click To Tweet
What Are The Types Of Mummy Issues We Have?
We have two types of mommy issues, namely secure attachment and insecure attachment.
Secure attachment mommy issues occur in men who have an intimate relationship with their mother and their mother is available to care for them and meet their physical and emotional needs during their childhood days. These types of men grew up with mothers that are somehow servile and show a lot of love and care.
The impression of availability their mother imprinted on them makes them grow with the assumption that women are supposed to behave just exactly like that, thereby making them comfortable trusting women, especially their romantic partners.
Securely attached people generally feel safe and don’t have problems going into intimate relationships, but they tend to expect way too much from their romantic partners as a result of how they were brought up.
Insecure attachment mommy issues, on the other hand, can be further classified under two categories, which are anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.
Anxious attachment occurs when there is inconsistency of physical or emotional availability by your mother, probably due to work, constant travelling or health issues.
A man with anxious attachment issues will likely randomly ask his partner to promise she won’t leave him and reassure him of her love for him.
A man with anxious attachment issues will most likely ask his partner at random to promise not to leave him and to reassure him of her love for him. Click To Tweet
Avoidant attachment is another type of insecure attachment and the worst of all mommy issues. This can be found in those who get treated harshly by their mother; never got physical or emotional support from their mother; caught their mother doing something very bad; or they are being lied to about their mother while growing up.
Men in this category have the fear of going into an intimate relationship with women. Therefore they try to ignore women subtly or totally avoid them. They neither show emotional vulnerability nor express their needs. They tend to live an independent life since they were brought up to be on their own.
Who Can Have Mommy Issues
Mommy issues can be found with teens and young adults, either male or female, but the main idea behind mommy issues is one of a mother – son relationship.
Just exactly as daddy issues are best described as a father to daughter relationship, mummy issues are conversely the relationship between a mother and her son, either close attachment with the mother or distant detachment from the mother during the early days of the son.
You should understand that anyone (either a man or a woman) can have mommy or daddy issues, but the focus is always on the male child while talking about issues with mothers and while talking about daddy issues, the focus is always on the daughters as well.
What Are Mummy Issues In Guys
Mommy issues in guys is the tendency for a guy to either be attached to or detached from women due to their experience with their own mother while growing up. The way men are brought up by their mother plays a heavy role and can be the determinant of the mommy issue signs in them.
Mommy issues in men refer to a man's tendency to be attached to or detached from women as a result of their childhood experiences with their mother. Click To Tweet
Mommy issues in guys can also be described as an unrealistic expectation that their partner will treat them nicely just exactly as their mother and that everything will run smoothly in the relationship which doesn’t always turn out to be true.
Men who exhibit immature behavior and expect much care from their romantic partners are the ones mostly described as the ‘mommy’s boys’, but there are some other categories other than the mommy’s boys.
Generally, mommy issues in guys make them easily spot the behavior of their mother in random women they meet, thereby making them hate or like the woman depending on how that particular behavior from their mother made them feel as a child.
Why Do Men Have Mommy Issues
There are a lot of reasons why mommy issues can be found in a guy. Everyone sure has a past and a reason for everything. Some of the reasons why men have mommy issues are highlighted below:
- Men grown with a single mother without the opportunity to have a father figure have a good probability of having mommy issues. Those types of guys somehow have the fear of leaving their mother and dealing with insecurity while their mother is away.
- Being the only son of your mother can get them a lot more than normal pampering and care as a child and they tend to be attached to their mother even after they get married and leave.
- Dysfunctional families, broken homes or divorce between parents can also be a good reason for being the mommy’s boy. In this case, they tend to “fight for” their mother (White Knight Syndrome) because of how their father treated her by leaving. They therefore tend to love; or rather, act as a savior to their mother.
- There are some situations where the mother seems to be a tormentor to her own son. The son grows with this bitterness towards his mother and goes far away. This can go as far as negatively affecting their relationship with other women around them, including their colleagues at work and their romantic partner.
How Does Mummy Issues Affects Relationships?
How our mother treated us can be a huge reflection of how we treat others, especially women. If our mothers care about us and sort out our needs as their children, we subconsciously grow love for our mother and for women (mother figures) around and feel people should normally be treated nicely.
Even without trying to be nice and caring, it just happens naturally and if it’s also the other way round (defective maternal upbringing), then we see it as something normal to be rude to women, or people around us, still because of how we got treated.
The bond between children and their mother is the first relationship the children experienced and it lays the foundation of other important relationships the child develops throughout life, including ones with romantic partners. Therefore, if the first relationship turns out to be defective, there is a high probability other subsequent relationships will also be negatively affected.
How our mothers treated us can be a strong indicator of how we treat others, especially women. Click To Tweet
10 Signs Of Men With Mommy Issues
Staying around you all the time can be a good sign that a man has fallen a victim of the insecure attachment (Anxious Attachment) issue. These kinds of men may suffer from the partial availability of their mother to care for them, so in the rare times their mother seems available, they tend to hold their mother tight and stay clingy to them.
Men with this kind of issues try to seek the maternal love they missed from other mother figures or romantic partners. Their need for affection never seems to be satisfied, they need constant reassurance from their partner.
Worry & Anxiety
Another sign of mommy issue in men is worry and anxiety; fear of the unknown or fear about the future, the type of fear exhibited can be proportional to how they were treated or their experience while growing up.
For example, they may fear losing their romantic partner due to death or sudden departure of their mother due to separation or divorce.
Being Overly Emotional
If he breaks down too easily, it’s almost certain he has mommy issues. Men are generally known to be able to keep themselves together when it comes to emotions and vulnerability, but those with mommy issues don’t have that capacity to hold themselves together for long. If anything goes wrong, they will certainly break down.
Just as being too emotional can be a sign of mommy issues, being emotionless is also a good sign one has mommy issues. Men of this category have been trained to keep their emotional vulnerability under control and even hide it due to how harshly they got treated.
Not that those men are literally emotionless but they aren’t ready to make it visible or express their needs, they prefer sorting their stuff alone and that makes them be seen by their partner as being secretive, thereby adversely affecting their relationship.
Expecting Too Much
Men in this category seems to have unrealistic expectation from their partner and they need constant reassurance, a random “I love you” to keep them up, and when that is missing, they become insecure and they may exit the relationship first because of the fear of being left.
Mommy issues can also be equal to trust issues in some men, their upbringing may make them more sensitive and suspicious of their partner’s movements. Guys with mommy issues tend to easily spot their mother’s behavior in their spouse and also make conclusions based on mere assumptions.
Example: They may assume their partner is out on a date with someone else and conclude their partner is about to start cheating and therefore make the decision to question their partner, which might lead to an argument, thereby contributing to the separation process.
Inability To Make Independent Decisions
Some men with mommy issues can never make decisions on their own without seeking the opinion of their mother. They always get their mother involved in every little action they have to take and the worst part is not asking for their wife’s opinion.
They feel their mother’s opinion is the best and they take decisions based on just that without bothering to ask for their wife’s opinion as well.
This in turn make their wives forms unhealthy competition or even enmity with their mother due to the maternal attachment and how less important that made her feel as a wife and this can be a good reason why the relationship might go crashing.
Childhood life in an environment where your mother does all the chores can be a reason why men have the mommy issues of living without care for their external or internal well-being.
This might be due to the fact that there is never a time their mother was absent, so they feel life is just about freedom while their mother takes care of all the chores.
They might transfer the same belief to their spouse and never attempt to help with the chores, but rather live carelessly, leaving all the careful stuff to their spouse.
Being Too Nice And Caring
Secure attachment makes some men more caring to their partner because that’s exactly how they were brought up, but there may be two ways to this. It might be either that they were brought up in a caring and loving environment and they didn’t know how to behave otherwise; or they are being caring to keep their partner interested in the relationship to avoid getting bored and leaving.
Calling Mom Incessantly
It’s not that hard to spot the “mommy’s boys”. They’re always on call with their mother every now and then, apart from asking for their mother’s opinion before making decisions, they always feel more comfortable chatting with their mother than their romantic partners and you’ll always find them in their mother’s house during their free periods or during holidays from work.
Bonus: Signs Visible In Men With Mommy Issues
Dating Older Women
This is usually common with men who lack a mother figure in their lives. Maybe due to the fact that their mother wasn’t available to take care of their emotional needs. They tend to seek that mother figure in older women, so they are much attracted to older women (Gerontophilia) and prefer dating them to younger ones.
Detachment From Women
Total detachment from women and hating on women is the worst state of mommy issues. Men in this type of situation always prefer being without any relationship with any women at all and only keep male friends and partners.
Conclusion On Signs Of Mommy Issues
Mommy issues as earlier discussed can be found in both genders but more peculiar to the male and it is, of course, dangerous for relationships with others, due to the fact that people who have an imperfect maternal relationship often expect romantic partners to fulfill the needs their mother wasn’t able to fulfill.
People who have an imperfect maternal relationship often expect romantic partners to fulfill the needs their mother wasn't able to fulfill. Click To Tweet
Our childhood days may not be perfect with our parents, and just because you struggle with some mommy issues doesn’t imply that your parents are bad or they are the cause of the problem and this also doesn’t mean you should start hating on them.
Resolving mommy issue is about:
- Readiness to make changes.
- Pointing out the causes.
- Analysis on how to get rid of it based on the causes pointed out.
- Action – Actually making efforts to get the issues permanently resolved.
Suggested Remedial Measures
Here is a suggested list of actions to take to get rid of the defect of both secure and insecure attachment issues as the case may be.
Secure Attachment Mommy Issues
- Learn to maintain a balance between mother and romantic partner
- Do not only ask for your mother’s opinion but also your spouse’s.
- Stop making the mistake of telling your wife “my mommy said we should do it this way”.
- Keep your emotions in check (Internal Self Awareness).
- Be responsible for your physical hygiene (External Self Awareness).
- Love yourself and enjoy your own company.
- Start being more masculine rather than being feminine.
- Relate with male friends more often.
- Therapy / Professional Counselling
Insecure Attachment Mommy issues
- Stop blaming your mother for anything that might have happened in the past.
- Forgive and let go.
- Train your mind not to see other women as your mother’s total or partial replica.
- Engage in conversation with women more often.
- Ask women for help when you need it.
- Reconnect With Mom
- Therapy / Professional Counselling