Nowadays, there are numerous options for finding a surrogate mother who can carry a child for you. Many possible surrogates post their details online, which you may readily access. You can also seek aid from surrogacy agencies, which offer a variety of services such as medical examination and legal services.
However, using a surrogacy agency could be very expensive, so you might decide to ask a friend instead. Asking for assistance with childbirth can be awkward, and if you don’t choose your words properly, it could result in a disagreement.
Before approaching someone to be a surrogate, make sure that they are the type of people who can commit to it if they accept, and that your relationship with them is strong enough to withstand the demands of being a surrogate mother for 9 months.
Make sure they are aware of your search for a surrogate about a month ago. By doing this, you can create a more receptive environment since they are aware of your situation and may have been considering offering to assist rather than coming at them suddenly with such a request that might put them in an awkward position.
Another thing to remember is that surrogacy is not the easiest of tasks, and someone’s agreement or disagreement to be a surrogate is not a measure of how much they love or hate you; the fact that a friend declines your request to carry your baby in her womb is not something to resent them about; it is simply due to the magnitude of your request.
You’d agree that asking for a $1000 loan is not the same as requesting to carry a kid in your body for 9 months and risking health difficulties or perhaps death in the process. A granted surrogacy request is one of the most significant and risky favors that anyone can ever do for you.
When starting the surrogacy conversation, always hope for a yes but prepare for a no. Make it clear that you understand how much you’re asking and that you won’t hold it against them if they say no, nor will you put pressure on them to change their minds and then maintain your promise.
One thing that friends avoid discussing is finances. You don’t want to avoid discussing how you’d pay her healthcare bills throughout the surrogacy period because they won’t be able to work for the majority of the time and you don’t want to burden them financially after the physical burden.
Before approaching the potential surrogate, it is a good idea to join a surrogacy forum where you can meet other like-minded individuals and learn about common pitfalls and mistakes as well as how to avoid them.
Things to Consider Before Asking a Friend To Be a Surrogate Mother
Although being a gestational carrier can be an incredible experience. It’s a wonderful opportunity to share the joys of pregnancy while also giving you as their friend the best gift and making one of the biggest friendship sacrifices. Surrogacy, however, can be difficult. The procedure is complicated, and there are certain risks involved. sh here are some things to consider before going ahead with making the pregnancy request to a friend.
- Are they 21 or older?
- Are they free of drugs?
- Are they aware of the risks involved?
- Have they ever been pregnant or given birth?
- Are they aware of the level of dedication required?
- What about the emotional bond that will be created with the baby following birth?
Making The Surrogacy Request
After you’ve discovered and gathered enough information on things to offer and agree on, it’s time to ask them to be a surrogate. Here’s how you go about doing it.
Request For A Meetup
It’s crucial to understand that the conversation about being a surrogate is far more important than something that should be done over the phone or via text; what you want to do over the phone is ask them that you’d like to meet them and address an important issue with them. (Remember, they should already be aware that you need a surrogate).
Since you are the one who needs their help, make sure you don’t make the mistake of choosing the time for the meeting yourself. Instead, ask them when they will be available and convenient and let them choose the time and day.
Give Them Proper Regards
The idea is to make them comfortable in the atmosphere and not tense, so avoid putting on a tense expression when you meet them. Instead, smile and welcome them enthusiastically, ask about their family and friends, and don’t forget to buy them a drink before starting the main conversation.
Since you informed them previously that you needed a surrogate, there is a 70% chance that they already know what you want to talk about when you ask them at this stage. As previously stated, let them be aware that you understand how big the request is and that you will not be offended if they choose to refuse it.
Break The Ice
With that out of the way. You could say something like, “This is where I need you the most, but I’m not going to take it personally if you decline, I’m still on this surrogacy thing, I haven’t found someone yet, and I’m not sure if you’d be able to help me out at this point.”
Make Things Clear
Because they can see it coming, it won’t be as awkward, so you may make it obvious that they won’t have to worry about healthcare expenses, or perhaps you’d take complete responsibility for all finances for the entire period. and ask them what they think about it.
They’d probably ask you to allow them some time to think about it or to speak with their husband about it. Plead with them to consider you, but also promise them that if they do not agree to be a surrogate, you will completely understand.
Things To Note While Asking Someone To Be A Surrogate
- Expect a yes but be prepared for a no.
- Make sure that they are already aware of your condition prior to the conversation.
- Learn more about surrogacy by visiting surrogacy forums and reading about how others handled theirs.
- If they accept, make sure you have a strategy in place to handle their expenses so that your request has no financial impact on them.
- Make them aware that their friendship will not be affected if they chose to decline.
- Never ask explicitly; instead, use indirect statements such as “I’m not sure if you’d be able to assist me with surrogacy.” rather than “I want you to be a surrogate”
If you follow the steps, there is a very good chance they will agree to be a surrogate for you. Go ahead and try your luck; you never know until you ask.
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