It’s very easy to get caught up in the haze of obsession and infatuation, especially at the start of a new relationship when the adrenalin rush is at its peak, ignoring the red flags that are glaring and trying to cover up for the bad signs that are projecting themselves from our new partner. The reality is, you don’t need to spend donkeys of years with someone before you can determine where the relationship is going, and you don’t have to be deeply emotionally invested in them to figure out if you’re compatible with them; the red flags appear early enough, but we often overlook them.
One of the things we need to be sure about before even getting into the relationship is the type of relationship we want to get into. We need to ask our partner what the goal of the relationship is, will it be something serious or just casual for the fun of it, for example, you can’t expect someone who just got broken up from a serious relationship to take the next relationship seriously because they may be afraid to commit due to how they were disappointed in the previous relationship.
Having these types of conversations ahead of time, while being honest with one other, would save you the shock, heartache, and emotional pain. Although the discussion is obviously not intended to spring up a strict roadmap, it is intended to give you both a general idea of what the relationship’s goals are and how the relationship is treated so that you can both determine the extent to which you should constrain your investment of time, finances, and especially your emotions, so that you can both live in the moment and enjoy it while keeping in mind that nothing serious is expected and it is just for fun.
Now that you probably didn’t have that type of conversation ahead of time and you sense something is wrong, you should retract and give yourself a break while being honest with yourself rather than continuing an unhealthy or ambitionless relationship, take some time to reflect on the relationship based on recent events, give yourself a break to think and remember what you really want your life to look like. Here are few questions to make you think clearly.
- Do you feel like you’re wasting your time in the relationship?
- Do they appear to be concerned about how things turn out?
- Are you always the one who calls or texts?
- Are you prepared for what is ahead?
- Are you looking forward to your future together?
- How do you feel when your partner returns home after a long period of absence?
- Has the relationship harmed your self-esteem?
- How does he/she respond to questions concerning your relationship’s future?
- Is he or she willing to change?
- Is the relationship built solely on emotions?
- Do you genuinely love your partner, and do you also feel loved?
- Are there some kind of compatibility issues?
- Is there any indication of progress toward marriage?
- do you think there’s something you miss about them?
- Are they fond of taking serious discussions lightly?
How did you respond to those questions? Because, at the end of the day, a relationship is about mutual love and commitment, and without these, the relationship will not last. While it’s admirable to try to make things work, keep in mind that a one-sided relationship is harmful to both parties, and it’s also unhealthy to put yourself through the pain of staying with someone just because you can’t let go of them.
After all, the purpose of dating and becoming emotionally connected with someone is to see if they match the basic requirements of a husband or wife. And if that criterion is violated, there’s no use in attempting to repair the relationship because it can’t be fixed solely on your end; you can’t restore a one-sided relationship without your partner making a conscious effort to make things work.
Romantic partners are bound to make mistakes; what keeps them together is their ability to forgive and possibly forget. However, there are some flaws that can be avoided to make living together a pleasant experience, but what happens if they continue to make those mistakes and refuse to make any attempt to change?
Signs, Red flags and When to Move On from a directionless relationship
- When you don’t feel loved, valued, or respected any longer
- When you keep trying to correct your partner’s avoidable mistakes and they keep repeating it
- When there is no longer trust and emotional connection
- When basic discussions devolve into squabbles and brawls
- When your relationship is one-sided and your partner isn’t trying to balance things out
- When you feel lonely (if you really wanted to be alone, you wouldn’t have entered the relationship in the first place).
- When your self-esteem is dropping significantly
- When your essential values and priorities are no longer in sync with theirs,
- When you’re feeling insecure and uneasy on regular basis
- When you consider how things were in the past and how they are now and you “miss those days”.
Allow your partner the opportunity to address any worries you may have before planning your departure. Give them the chance to fix something that they may not even be aware is broken. If they sincerely want to stay, they will make the required adjustments if you communicate your feelings honestly. If you’ve offered them the chance to resolve things and they refuse, don’t feel bad if you break up with them and move on.
After all, you only have one life, and if you determine that someone does not meet the basic standards for a spouse, I’m not sure there’s any point in attempting to resurrect the relationship unless you are still young or have a lot of time to waste.
Sure It’s frightening to consider life after you leave, but it’s much scarier to consider staying with an incompatible partner. If you don’t want to break things up, make it light and casual because if you don’t, they will ultimately do it, and it may be harsh and abrupt, so keep your feelings half to yourself and don’t rely on or invest in the relationship what you can’t afford to lose.